Motion TV
I was huffing at the gym when I looked over at the TV screen next to me. There was a TV screen next to me because, of course, one can’t be expected to stop watching TV long enough to, you know, exercise.
I couldn’t hear the show but apparently it was an MTV spring-break special from some sunny Florida beach you can’t enter if you’re over the age of 25. The frolicking bikinis were playing a game show — Pretty Smart, the blaring banners announced — and the moment I looked up the question posed to a toothy brunette was “What body of water is found off the east coast of Florida?”
It’s not that the twenty-something woman didn’t know the answer (even though she could see the answer) that made me think, a couple hours later, to write about her. It was the look on her face. She had no clue. The answer was not on the tip of her tongue. She wasn’t half-laughing, pounding her first, declaring “I should know that one!” She was — flat-out — stumped.
My thought was an immediate rant about the end of Western civilization or a proposal to overhaul the American educational system or a lament about how on earth I could ever sell a book in such a universe. But then I thought again. And I realized I am the dim one. I’m so stupid I never would have guessed the question could possibly be a mind-bender.
This post was added on Saturday, March 29, 2008 by Tom Swift at 14:13 and is filed under Rough Drafts.
"Any idiot can face a crisis. It's day to day living that wears you out." -Anton Chekhov
Brendon Etter (Mar.29 08 at 18:37)
Her first answer should have been “Define ‘Florida’.”
See? Not as easy as one would have guessed, Mr. Smuggy Pants.
And isn’t ‘east’ rather vague here? Come on. We all know ‘east’ is just west the long way ’round on this big world called…
ummm…
uhhh….
Hold on… called…
Hey, Tom, can I get back to you on this?
Jerry (Mar.29 08 at 21:52)
there’s an ocean near Florida? Who knew?
TS (Mar.30 08 at 07:28)
You sure can, Brendon. In the meantime, I tried to think of additional “Questions That Are So Stupid They Are Brilliant.” Can you locate the nose on your face? What is your mother’s first name?
Clearly, I could use a hand from, say, a witty list-making playwright …
Soren (Mar.30 08 at 12:19)
Um, like, dude? You didn’t give us the answer. Hello!?
So, like, um … do you even know it?
Diane (Mar.30 08 at 20:11)
I know a model that worked on this show, and MTV told them what answers to say.
cycledork (Mar.31 08 at 19:56)
OK, my college-age daughter is geographically challenged. But I promise you do not want to try to stump her on calculus. She will crush you like a bug. A small one. I’m not saying this as a parent. I’m saying this as a victim.
E. Schned (Apr.01 08 at 08:56)
I was under the impression there would be no math.
Brendon Etter (Apr.01 08 at 12:23)
I’ll help you out, Tom, with an action trivia task:
“Point to your ass, then point to your head.”
If successful, contestant changes bikinis behind a back-lit scrim and moves on to the challenge round with the following task:
“Point to your head, then rub your ass until we cut to commercial.”
To Soren: Here’s a hint - Atlant*c Ocean (first word rhymes with ‘Atlantik’).