Tom Swift Writer’s Notebook

As I slid my fork through a slice of pumpkin pie I looked at the bottle of whipped cream — or whatever it really is; some chemical combo that tastes like whipped cream — before me. In addition to the ingredients (I put something called “carrageenan” in my body, which sounds healthful) and the directions for best results (warning: do not inhale) I saw the following disclaimer:

Reddi-wip is appropriate for non-government sanctioned holidays.

What, do you suppose, this means? My lack of perception, hardly a surprise, is evident on multiple levels. First, which are the government-sanctioned holidays — the ones when the grocery store is closed? Next, is it OK for me to eat Reddi-wip on those holidays? Finally, can I eat Reddi-wip on, say, a garden-variety Thursday?

The bright person in our marriage — she earned more A’s each semester of doctoral studies than I did in four years of high school — thinks this is about Jewish people. That this is Reddi-wip’s way of saying, “have no fear: we’re kosher.” Perhaps that’s right. But I am not convinced. Better put the pumpkin pie away. Just to be safe.

Thanks for visiting my blog. Come back again next time the cable goes out. I’ll continue to ask the questions no one else will.

This post was added on Friday, January 18, 2008 by Tom Swift at 10:28 and is filed under Rough Drafts.